Experiencing Pleasure and Pleasure: A Dominant’s Steering for Trans People

I got here out this June as an expert male dominant, introducing the world to my dominant alter-ego, ‘Mister Saul’ (Image: @laurenj.captures/Jackson King)

Charlie was splayed out on a sling within the dungeon – a mix of nerves and pleasure, however prepared and keen.

This was one among my first purchasers as an expert dominant and we had been nearing the top of a three-hour session.

In our conversations main as much as the meet, they’d expressed a need to let go and give up management to somebody with a ‘agency hand’.

And there Charlie was earlier than me, able to succumb to that submissive state of bliss. Just a few moments later, there have been tears falling softly from their eyes, good tears – the sort you cry when there’s been a launch.

Then it was over. They hit the bathe whereas I cleaned the tools, taking care to go away the employed dungeon house as we’d discovered it.

After they returned, we embraced and spoke somewhat throughout aftercare: a interval of bodily and emotional care given after an intense BDSM encounter. ‘You’re good at this,’ Charlie informed me, and shortly it was time to lock up the dungeon and half methods.

How do you discover out you’re ‘good at this’, one would possibly ask. And the way do you change into somebody that individuals pay for such providers?

Properly, my story has a stunning starting: the church.

From my earliest years, I used to be an excellent Christian lady. Not solely did I’m going to all of the bible research and youth teams, I additionally started main church providers and preaching in my early twenties.

I’d all the time fantasised and considered kink (Image: Jackson King)

But, beneath these efforts at holiness and worthiness lay deeply repressed elements of my id.

By the age of 25 in 2016, the very first thing that had risen to the floor was my sexuality – I wasn’t straight, I used to be bi. Shortly after, I accepted that I wasn’t a lady both, however a trans man.

Naturally, these popping out moments had been accompanied by a lot deconstruction and reflection on the oppressive, shame-filled beliefs I’d imbibed as an evangelical Christian. Importantly, I started reframing how I noticed my physique – from a lowly and deceitful flesh-suit of sin, to one thing I used to be studying to take heed to and belief.

One of many issues my physique was drawing me to was BDSM, which I started to discover – within the years since popping out – with companions, lovers, and buddies. However this need didn’t transpire from skinny air.

At the same time as an excellent evangelical lady, I’d all the time fantasised and considered kink. Now I used to be merely giving myself permission to discover it. 

Opposite to the declare by anti-kink those who BDSM is merely a malicious program for sexual violence, I found inside it moments of therapeutic and catharsis – each as a submissive and dominant.

Notably because the latter, issues felt intuitive, instinctive – and albeit – it was an honour to be trusted by others of their most weak moments. That mentioned, it’s one factor to have these encounters and connections in your private life – fairly one other to speak overtly about it and provide it as a public service.

My complete life, I’d performed it secure – I prayed arduous, studied arduous, obtained an English diploma on the College of Oxford, and I labored arduous constructing an expert profession as a copywriter. This stuff connoted outward success and respectability, however additionally they made me depressing.

So I sacked off the well-paid profession in the beginning of 2023 to change into an underpaid freelance journalist.

Then, with the encouragement of my kink-positive therapist, I got here out this June as an expert male dominant, introducing the world to my dominant alter-ego, ‘Mister Saul’ (and including one other much-needed stream of revenue!).

Whereas there are many BDSM practitioners who provide lessons and training on the subject, there’s not precisely an outlined path to changing into an expert dominant. At first, this was a barrier to me – how might I make the leap from being a dominant in my non-public life, to being an expert one? 

I ended up speaking to a few established professionals for recommendation on the way to get began, the way to promote, pricing and extra. When it comes to tools, I’d curated an honest tool-kit from domming folks through the years (together with a flogger initially from Backstreet, London’s final leatherbar!) however most dungeon areas accessible to rent additionally include loads of toys.

The important factor to assume via earlier than going professional was security, akin to understanding I had the expertise and skillset to, for instance, flog somebody with the proper approach. In addition to the way to present a strong scene negotiation course of (the place wishes, flip ons and limits are mentioned forward of a session) and consent framework for purchasers.

With the sensible stuff addressed, the remaining fell into place. Being a dominant includes technical expertise and data, however it’s additionally about having the ability to create an intense and unforgettable expertise. And I’m unsure that may be taught!

After promoting on social media, I booked in some preliminary purchasers. And my very first paid-for BDSM scene was a collaboration with a well-established skilled dominant.

After a number of hours of heavy affect play (together with spanking, flogging and belting) I bear in mind heading residence exhausted, however content material – and never simply because I’d been given a wad of money for my work.

I’ve grown immeasurably as a dominant since then.

Publicly embracing your sexuality as a trans particular person is usually fraught with complexity (Image: Jackson King)

In the best way that many trans folks – with a purpose to select their very own pleasure and embodiment – settle for the stigma of their existence, I settle for the stigma hooked up to the road of labor I do for my very own fulfilment.

On prime of this, to be trans in our present local weather is such a profound act of going in opposition to the grain. I think about my very own transition gave me the metaphorical balls to embrace a really non-typical vocation.

But publicly embracing your sexuality as a trans particular person is usually fraught with complexity.

On the one hand, our our bodies are oversexualised or fetishised because the ‘better of each’. On the opposite, they’re routinely dehumanised, scrutinised, and topic to violence of each type. 

For me, the idea of ‘trans pleasure’ usually celebrates transness in a really desexualised manner.

Domming two submissives directly and bringing them to orgasm concurrently is my trans pleasure, or higher but – trans hedonism. As is making somebody miles away from me climax with simply the proper phrases over voice-note.

Trans folks deserve the liberty to discover and categorical their sexuality inside a consensual framework like all cisgender grownup. Which is why, whereas I tackle purchasers of all sexualities and genders, I feel it’s necessary to be a publicly trans dominant.

Naturally, for trans purchasers, I search to offer a gender-euphoric expertise, and for cis purchasers, an opportunity to increase their horizons.

You will discover out extra about Jackson’s work as ‘Mister Saul’ on his web site right here or comply with his different work by way of his Linktree right here.