Overcome the Concern of Intercourse When Your Companion Doesn’t Know You’re a Virgin

This week, we hear from a college pupil who hasn’t instructed her boyfriend that she’s a virgin.

He’s a few years older than her, and says he has extra expertise than she does.

Whereas she’d prefer to have intercourse with him sooner or later, she all the time will get too nervous.

Ought to she speak to her boyfriend about it? Or maintain ready till she feels comfy?

Earlier than you go, take a look at final week’s dilemma, the place a reader defined how his girlfriend wished to strive swinging – however they weren’t on the identical web page.

The issue

I’m in my second yr of college in a giant metropolis, a good distance from the agricultural setting I used to be introduced up in. I went to an all-girls faculty and don’t have any brothers, so guys are a little bit of an alien species to me.

I spent the primary yr simply attending to know folks, however just lately I’ve began relationship for the primary time. This man is within the yr above me and took a niche yr (I didn’t), so he’s two years older than me.

He doesn’t brag, however via basic chat I’ve picked up that he has had quite a lot of girlfriends prior to now. He went to a blended faculty and was relationship from the age of 15, so which means he’s been seeing ladies for the final six years.

All this freaks me out as, if you happen to hadn’t guessed it already, I’m nonetheless a virgin – one thing I haven’t confessed to my boyfriend.

I’ve solely been seeing him for 4 months, however he thinks it’s amusing that I haven’t had intercourse with him but. To me, the connection is kind of new, however he has admitted that some ladies go for it on the primary evening.

I wish to have intercourse with him sooner or later, however each time issues get a bit passionate between us, I’ve an assault of nerves and make an excuse to go dwelling.

How do I recover from this irrational worry of intercourse?

Laura says…

Please don’t really feel as if being a virgin is one thing embarrassing – as a substitute, you’ve determined you wish to lose your virginity to somebody particular.

You received’t be the one one at your college both – plenty of folks attain their twenties with out ever having had intercourse and nonetheless, being a virgin at that age doesn’t make you a freak.

Don’t pre-judge your boyfriend’s response to studying that he’ll be the primary man to make like to you. Why would he thoughts? If he’s genuinely understanding and type, he’ll take pleasure in making your first time as particular as potential.

There may be clearly extra to your relationship than simply the way you work together bodily, so don’t be afraid to inform him the reality. Chances are you’ll discover that he’s guessed already, particularly if he is aware of your background.

There’s nothing flawed with sleeping collectively and exploring other forms of sexual exercise – however don’t really feel pressured to go the entire manner till you’re prepared for it.

First time intercourse could really feel a bit uncomfortable, so don’t rush issues. Your accomplice wants to make sure you are totally aroused earlier than he takes issues additional.

Take all the things slowly and please be reassured, intercourse is nothing to be afraid of. There’s a primary time for everybody and an excellent love life will simply add to what you have already got collectively.

In case your boyfriend is a real man who actually cares about you, this won’t hurt your relationship. In reality, there’s each likelihood it can make it stronger.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

Obtained a intercourse and relationship dilemma?

To get knowledgeable recommendation, ship your drawback to [email protected]